Sunday, July 19, 2009

Turbine and DDO - How to make shit out of a great game.

For the past 3 years, I've been a player of a MMO called Dungeons&Dragons Online - Stormreach. It is (still) a great game but soon enough, it's going to change into just another boring, stupid, retarded, clone MMO. I love the game and it hurts to see it going down the path of death and demise.
Why? Allow me to explain.

DDO is based of D&D and it used to be a good game. Hand made dungeons, good quests, interesting stories (if you don't mind reading), instanced dungeons (no need to camp), party required like in D&D, NO MANDATORY PVP. Also, it (still) features the active combat system.
Unlike Neverwinter Nights or traditional D&D, DDO doesn't have perceptible turn based combat. The dice still roll and you see them roll, but there's no pauses.

The combat is active and unlike 99% of the MMO's out there, you don't have to click a monster and then watch as they take turns and hit smash a few hotkeys with skills.
No... in DDO, you have to actively fight, if you let go of your mouse, you stop attacking, if you turn your back to an enemy, they'll have opportunities for back stabbing and better chances to hit you and do more damage.

Now... skip to about 1 year ago and here comes barbie doll Kate Paiz and gay hubby Fernando Paiz and they have all these marvelous ideas to turn DDO into a barbie version of WoW.

They started by introducing a gay class called monks... you may say "monks rule" but I say "the way they were made in DDO makes them useless and an offense to gay people".

Then, they introduced something called "crafting"... this "crafting" is nothing more than run a bunch of quests to get a stupid amount of ingredients so you can go to some altar, put the stuff there and make a "blank" (a base weapon with no effects).
Then, you need to run a raid some 9999999 times to get all the ingredients that you need to make the highest enchant that you can on the blank (I remember I needed 48 ingredients just for the last tier. There's 3 of them).
Again, you grab these ingredients, put them in altars and they turn into other ingredients that you mix wit your weapon. They call this... "crafting". I call it " Stupid idea that only barbie could have".


Here comes new content and they introduce "crafted armors"... crafted my ass, because you go o quests to get random runes THAT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT EFFECT THEY HAVE, put them in another altar and pray to everything that you got the right rune for the effect you want. If you're unlucky, be prepared to run the quests 9999999 times until you get the fucking rune.
They call this "crafting", I call it "fucked up lottery idea that came up in a slow sex night between barbie and ken".

Onwards again and the soon to be DDO: Eberron Unlimited.

DDO is P2P which means that 99% of the retards, morons, jerks, noobs, kiddies, etc, all got filtered by the monthly subscription.
Now, DDO is going F2P and here comes the flood of retards towards a game where the community can price itself (the european at least. Seems the US community is pretty much a puke) on being mature and the average age is 30 (yes, THIRTY).

So, what are we supposed to do with the flood of WoW kiddies and retards that have no idea the kind of community they're getting into? Simple, tell them to fuck off the moment they join the party and go like "1 |33 1337. I pownzors, bla bla".
When they go like "I know it all, I be no noob", just shove them with questions that only a vet would know after playing 3 years, rub the shit answer they give you on their faces and make them eat the pile of shit that is their ego. Then, kick them out of the party and add yet another name to the blacklist.

I can see the morons asking about PK and I'll have the deep pleasure of telling them that if they want to PVP, they have to go to one of the taverns that have the brawls and arenas. Other than that, get lost.

On the other hand, I'm going to turn off the retarded feature that Turbine added: a way to invite random people to PVP through a menu. Please Turbine, shove it up Kate's ass and tell her gay husband to push it up good. There's a lot of games out there that cater to PK retards, we don't need another one.

So, onwards...
Included in this "great change", comes fluff stuff... like auto-targeting...yes please, I need to kill the Orc, but since the lever is closer, my character is stubbornly going towards the stupid lever while my head gets mashed by the orc. Yes, Turbine, smart... as a damn pool full of diarrea.

Also, we're going to have a shit called Dungeon Alert... which is oh so great because the more enemies you have after you, the slower you get. It makes so much sense doesn't it? "Oh, there's so many monsters after us, let's go slower so we may do some sightseeing..." HUH?

Grazing hits are another fun thing. So you have no muscles or coordination but hell, you eventually manage to kill the monster by giving it a nasty swine flu from swinging your weapon around so much... hurray?

The "best" out of all this is the SHOP! Yes, one of those nifty F2P shops where you buy all those nifty comodities *cakle cakle*.
The only decent thing is that F2P gamers are limited like the shit to the places they can go to unless they buy them... still, I see myself mutting the general chat for the good of my mental sanity.

Kate and Fernando continue to have a fucking diarrea in their brains as they announce that future content will be based off what the store sells. So, having seen most of the contents and taking a few wild guesses, I suppose all new content will be potions, lotions, tea, coffee, biscuits and cakes... hah! Just about your average grocery shop... only 20x more expensive.

Also, they want to introduce an armory like the one in WoW. Yes please, all we want is for retards to poke their fucking noses into what we have so they decide who to hack next. Thanks!!

To make all this long shit short: Kate and Fernando are completely fucking up theg game because:

- they have no fucking clue about what D&D is,
- they have no fucking idea of what the community wants and so they only spit out rotten shit out of their hmouth,
- they're fucking sad because they're delusional and think they're doing oh so much for the game (yes, you are, you're fucking it up and signing a death sentence),
- they must think this is WoW with different races
- they have no idea about the age of the community
- they think all the 15 year olds will come to a game with no boobs showing.